From Russia, with Love
by Lena-F
Summary: Set after 7x01, but goes far from there. When the team can't seem to be able to move on after her death, she quickly feel alone and lost, but someone's sad destiny might be her savior, and maybe she will regain faith in life.. ON HIATUS
1. Chapter 1

**Ok, so this is my first story ever, so be understanding please ? I'd love some constructive criticism, ideas and your opinion. I know where I'm going but maybe some great ideas will make me change my mind ? Anyway, hope you'll like it !  
**

**Lena.  
**

**From Russia, with Love**

**Chapitre 1:**

September the 4th of 2011

"She is alive ?" Garcia's question was reverberating is everybody's head, this seemed so unreal.

A smiling J.J could feel the huge burden relieved off her shoulders. How had she been able to keep it that long, she would never know.

Hotch felt the guilt invading him, unworthy of his team's trust and confidences. They all had to talk to him about the loss while he knew the truth the whole time.

Morgan's anger and pain were rising quickly. He was mad, yeah, but not just at Hotch, J.J and Emily, right now he was mad at the whole world and was close to exploding.

Garcia, eyes shining with tears, couldn't help but feel hope. Everything would be okay now. Emily was safe, and her family will be back as new.

Reid, after everything he went through, the grief, the craving to drown his sorrow in drugs again and his struggle to stay clean, only felt numb, like it was all a weird dream. But also, and mainly, betrayal, how could they do that to them, how could Prentiss do that to him when a few days before her 'death' he was confiding in her and her alone ?

Rossi being Rossi was simply and plainly happy. Yes, sure he'd rather have been in on the secret bu he understood their choice, the danger for all of them. If Doyle somehow had learn the truth, none of them would be here to complain about this and he had no doubt that had Garcia known she would have looked for Emily, compromising them all.

Elle Greenaway was a bit lost in the middle of that. She had heard a lot about the famous Emily Prentiss, she had witnessed their grief, and their pain and regrets. They were all feeling betrayed then but in the meantime people are always more understanding of dead people's mistakes so they weren't that angry with her, just sad. Now that Prentiss was officially alive she would have to deal with all those trust issues and hard feelings left behind, wich were waiting for her. Elle was suddenly feeling a lot of sympathy for the woman she had only heard about..

6 months earlier...

The BAU team was gathered in the conference room, wainting for the Unit Chief who had an announcement to make.

"Everyone, take a seat." he said taking a seat himself he decided to just jump on the sensitive subject of the day. "As you all know Agent Seaver has now joined Andy Swan's Unit and even if we gladly have you back J.J, we are still one agent down."

And then, everyone could feel it, seing Hotch's face, this wasn't good and once again in a few months their balance as a team and a family would be put upside down. A new agent, again, someone to learn how work with, in their line of work live with even, to trust, another agent attracted by the high club that is the BAU and who would try to impose themself into their family.

Had anybody asked any of the Special Agents right now, they would all have said that they went through too many things recently to be emotionally able to deal with a new person, most certainly a rookie again, in the middle of their already fragile rhythm. But obviously, nobody asked for their opinion and they all knew from the look on his face that Hotch was definitely not pleased with it either.

"So, as you can all guess, the order is coming from above." he sighed, "Seeing her good work at the time and that she was completely cleared, they want Elle Greenaway back" he ended, looking anxiously at his team, waiting for the explosion.

"What the hell Hotch ?" That was Morgan. "With all my respect, but have they lost their minds ?"

"Technically she was cleared by the Bureau so they have no reason not to hire her now that we need someone" rationalized Reid.

"Doesn't mean that we have to trust her" spat Morgan.

Garcia simply stayed speechless the whole time. This was a sick joke. Her precious family was suffering enough already, they certainly didn't need mistrust and tension now. "This is a nightmare," she thought, " I'm going to wake up, sooner rather than later".

"It's been five years, why would she ask to come back now ?" asked J.J, looking expectantly at Hotch with a hint a confusion.

"The Bureau thought it would be easier for us, under these circumstances, to work with someone we know and 'trust' " he muttered angrily, quoting the last part with his hands.

Then, the only one that never knew Elle said the most judicious thing of all. "Like J.J said, it's been five years, she may have changed guys, she probably did actually, you have to give her a chance, if not for her, do it for the sake of this team."

At that, silence fell upon the room and it was obvious that every one of the agents was thinking about it and silently agreeing to try, for the sake of their family.

The next one to speak was the Unit Chief. "Ok, she'll be here tomorrow, you have paperwork to do so let's move people". Once everyone was going back to their desks, Hotch stopped Rossi with a hand on his shoulder and said, "Thank you Dave, they needed to hear that."

Dave nodded, he could hear the unspoken words, "And I'm not sure we would have survived more drama in here" With that they both went back to work.

4th of September, 2011

It had taken several months but Elle was now part of the team again. They were all working well but nobody would lie and say they weren't afraid of her shooting another unsub not convicted for his crime or that they simply trusted her. But she was there, going through this news-bomb with them and having to adjust to it too. They all were aware that she had made a lot of effort in the past months not to invade their familial cocoon too much and to show them she had changed. Now this was the perfect occasion, she would be there for each one of them as much as the friend that she was could.

She rose from her chair and looking softly at all of them. "Guys, you gave me a chance when I didn't even deserve one, she is your friend, your family, she basically gave up on her whole life to keep you, your families and an innocent little boy safe. You owe her to at least listen with an open-mind, and to let her explain. I doubt this was easy for her, even if I don't know her, this just can't be easy, for anybody. So just hear her out, okay ?"

That's the moment Emily chose, or more likely destiny did, to enter the room. None of them really had time to process things deep inside, but on the outside they couldn't hide the pure joy of seeing her so alive. After some quick hugs and apologies, the race was back on, Emily loved them but there would be time for explanations later, the priority now was Declan.

**So that was the first chapter, the second will be coming soon, just want to know if people are interested. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Here is the Second Chapter, hope you'll like it. Still a bit slow sorry but don't worry, troubles will arrive soon enough !**

**Lena.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Criminals minds, its plots and characters.**

**Chapter 2 **

For her, searching for Declan, confronting Doyle, the airport, the shooting, Ian dying, it was all a blur. It went so fast she felt like she hadn't even had the time to breathe. Now here she was, on the floor, with a newly orphaned boy crying in her arms and squeezing his dead father's bloody hand. This poor kid had, in just a few days, lost his only mother figure, been held captive and just lost his biological father once again. But Emily couldn't help but feel relieved. The air was filling her lungs again. Doyle was dead, and they were all safe. She was safe. Now she could focus on the hardest part of her return: rebuilding her life, dealing with her past, regaining the team's trust.

She had seen happiness in their eyes when they had hugged her. She wishedshe could have held onto those moments, stopping time for a while just to relax in their safe embrace. But time couldn't be stopped, and she could feel their hesitation, the hurt and the reluctance to acknowledge and confront all those emotions. To confront her.

They wanted, needed to know the why and the how of all this crap and she was aware she owed them that much. However, the battle with her inner demons and her past could wait a few moments, or at least until tomorrow? Yes, tomorrow was a good idea, then they'll deal with it and she'll take responsibility for everything, if they couldn't forgive her she would understand but she would fight for them, after all, that's why she left, for them.

She excused herself, said she had to take Declan home to his father that had probably arrived by now. She wasn't running, they all thought she was but no, she just needed time to process everything. They needed to do that too, but weren't ready to have her out of their sight again.

"You're coming back right ? You're taking care of Declan tonight but when we look for you tomorrow you won't have vanished, will you ?"

"Reid, I'm not going anywhere. I fought too hard to come back."

"You have to promise, I need to hear you say it!" He was anxious.

" I'm here. I'm safe. I'm not leaving, ok?" The look of determination in her eyes said it all, she was back for good.

And with that she went away. Leaving them all hoping this won't be the last time they saw her.

* * *

"We have to trust her. I know it's not the easiest thing to do right now, but we have too. She is still our Emily, we are her family, she won't give up on us." Rossi said, looking in the direction she had taken.

* * *

September the 6th, 2011

The next day they all had to face the committee. After all the suspensions were lifted she had said she was 'in'. That was her way to promise she'd work hard to come back, to regain their trust, and the relief on their faces had encouraged her in a decision even more.

After that she just went home, the day had been long. Nobody really knew were 'home' was for her now. Nobody had dared asking. They just let her go, having faith that the day after she'd be there.

That was yesterday. Now, it was late in the morning. They were all, except Prentiss, working at their desks and from time to time glancing at the doors hoping to see her coming in.

Finally, at 11:14 it happened. She looked exhausted, dark circles surrounding her eye. She almost looked sick today when she was so radiant yesterday. Maybe it was the stress of all this comeback situation finally taking its toll on her, at least that's what they all thought.

They all had a lot to say to her and after a night of reflection a lot of resentment had made its way in their heads. Each one had his issues with the situation and when she sent a shy smile their way they honestly had to force themselves a bit to smile back.

That, she saw immediately. "This is not going to be easy." She thought.

"Hi guys," she started softly, "You can all relax now, I'm here as promised!" She was trying to lighten the atmosphere but her only answer was grim faces. "Ok, since the cat got your tongues I'm going to see Hotch now." On that she went to their boss' office.

She had think about this whole confrontation period of time, following her rise from the dead, and had come to the conclusion that she should speak to each of them alone. This way she was almost sure everyone's issues would be discussed, or she hoped so.

Starting with Hotch, then J.J, that was the easiest part. They knew all along. But she really wasn't looking forward to face an angry Morgan, a sad Garcia and a hurt Reid.

Knocking on Hotch's door she took a deep breath, "You can do it!"

"Come in." She did and Hotch looked up and smiled seeing her. "So you did keep your promise." he joked grinning lightly. She didn't find that funny at all, and hearing this her smile fell.

"You really thought I wouldn't ?" the shock and hurt were written all over her face.

"No, I know you better than that. I just thought it would take you longer to do so. Even I'm... I'm kind of apprehensive of the team's reaction towards you so I can imagine a little what you must feel and I know for sure I would have taken a few days back in the living world before entering this battle."

"Yeah, well you know what they say: 'the sooner the better'. I just want to move on with my life and I won't be able to do it until I talk to them."

He nodded, smiling sympathetically. "Anyway, let's get down to it.. The reason I'm here is to say I'm sorry. I realise it must have been awful keeping all this from them, especially seeing them hurting and sad. And, as I intend to tell J.J, I hope the two of you won't resent me for putting you in this position." She blurted it out so softly Hotch was afraid she was going to breakdown.

"Emily, I know why you did all this ; we all do. It doesn't mean that everybody is accepting it but we do. You sacrificed everything for our safety, and our families'. Jack already lost his mother, and you protected his father. I'm thankful and proud to be working with you. So no, I don't resent you. I'm not saying this is going to be easy with the team, I'm not saying they're not going to treat you like crap, and I'd rather not get involved in it, but I'm glad to have you back." And he was sincere.

She smiled. With so many emotions going through her eyes it was hard to tell how she felt. Happy? Hopeful? Thankful? Scared as hell? Relieved? The list went on. Maybe it was a bit of everything.

Not trusting her voice right now, she just left. Hotch, check. One down, five to go!

* * *

She then discretely went to J.J's office. The door was open and coming in she could see the blonde woman buried in dozens of files.

"How does lunch sound to you right now?" Emily asked laughing.

"You are my savior you know that?!" She said standing up and taking her purse. "My treat, to celebrate your return."

"I won't argue with that. Can we just take the service elevator, I really don't feel like going through the bullpen right now?" The brunette murmured.

"Of course, but what happened? What have they done?" J.J asked wondering what damages her teammates could have done already.

"They haven't done anything, I just know how hard it is on everybody. That's why I'm talking to you guys separately, and I don't want to oppress them by being always here. They need time getting used to seeing me all the time again, I was supposed to be dead remember." She looked down, ashamed that it all had to go so far because of her. Because of a mission she was ordered to do years ago. But it wasn't like she chose to infiltrate Doyle or planned for him to be so strongly in love with her.

Their lunch time was the most relaxing thing she had done in a really long time. They talked about Will and Henry like old times. J.J didn't push to know what had happened during her time away and Emily was more than thankful for that. And finally when Emily was about to give her apology speech, J.J cut her off and made it clear that as far as she was concerned she was beyond happy that she was safely back and that she will always be there for her no matter what the team's reaction was. (you might want to make some of the "she"s a name. Usually If you use she, it's referring to the last female name you used) That had left Emily speechless except for a small "I really missed you". They then fell into a comfortable silence and went back to the BAU precinct.

* * *

She had a hard time choosing who to talk to next and had finally decided on Garcia. The technical analyst would be pissed, she would try to make Emily confess about everything, probably being way too pushy but with a lot of apologies and hugs she should be fine.

Entering the "PG's den" Emily braced herself for the tears and reproaches to come. And she couldn't have been more right. As soon as she had closed the door Penelope jumped on her.

"You! Emily Prentiss! How could you? We are you family for God's sake! We could have helped you! Do you realise how painful it was to think you were dead? Dead! Not just missing, no, no, DEAD! This is supposed to mean forever! Can you imagine what it was like for Derek to find you dying on that cold concrete floor? To feel guilty because he thought that if he had arrived 60 seconds before he may had been able to save you? And poor Reid just didn't understand what had hit him! His father, Gideon, and then you leaving him! It's enough to send anybody into depression, thank God our Spencer is stronger than we give him credit for and we were there for him.."

At that point she was talking so fast Emily was having a hard time understanding everything.

"But it wasn't the same thing, you were like a sister to him, and he trusted you! We all did, and you didn't trust us enough to tell us what was going on! You'd rather get mad at us and push us away! I'm so mad at you right now... No I'm not mad, I'm boiling! I want to scream the hell at you! You weren't there when I needed you, and I was so sad. And now, knowing this was all a lie... I just.. I don't think I can trust you right now... I'm not sure I know who you are anymore."

Emily tried to start answering but Garcia held a hand and cut her off.

"I'm not done! I realise, we all do, that you couldn't really tell us about Doyle and all your crazy Interpol work before. But when he came after you, when you realized he was killing your ex-team and people to get to you, that's when you should have told us! Wereyou afraid we would judge you? I can't speak for the others but you know ME better than that! I'm so disappointed... I think... No I don't think I'm sure that I need time and I'd rather not see you or talk to you right now..." She ended looking sadly down.

Silent tears had started running down Emily's cheeks near the middle of her declaration and now she was just completely speechless. That's a feeling that kept happening to her since her return and she wasn't used to it. Garcia's wordswere painful, worse than a table's wooden leg in the stomach. She couldn't trust her voice right now but she had to say something.

"I listened to your voicemail... It made me feel so loved I suddenly was braver than I ever was. It gave me hope. Hope that I would defeat him and would be able to save you and be with you. But I failed you all, and I had to go, for you. I understand all the things you said. You have the right to feel how you feel. The only thing I can hang on to is the fact that if I hadn't gone, you probably wouldn't still be alive to feel taht way.." She blurted out, through the tears and the pain, and left the room.

She quickly found a bathroom, closed the door and just sat on the floor, crying for the family she had lost while protecting them.

* * *

After more than an hour spent in the bathroom composing herself she was ready for the next one. The meeting with Garcia hadn't gone as expected at all. She had barely had the time to explain herself or apologize and Garcia's conclusion had really hurt. She had now decided not to expect anything from the remaining members. After all, the technical analyst was supposed to be one of the good ones, how wrong she had been. She was now extremely dreadful and anxious about her coming chats with Morgan and Reid but knew that she had to do it, no matter what it cost her.

She would talk to Rossi last. She was sure that he would be the most understanding. At least he would after all the slaps that she was about to receive.

Her guardian angel must had just woken up because entering the bullpen she was relieved to discover Reid was out. Her replacement was off this afternoon for a doctor'sappointment. She slowly got closer to Derek, her ex-partner and friend. "I really hope you don't think of the Vonegut's quote I told you years ago as a guilty confession.."

He looked up, confusion evident on his face. "I beg your pardon ?" He looked kind of annoyed, mainly because she was trying to have this conversation here in public.

"You are who you pretend to be, so be careful who you pretend to be" she sighed. "I wasn't pretending to be anybody. I've never been more myself than the five years I spent with you. I was pretending with Doyle. I was prenteding to be the perfect emotionless agent while working for the Interpol. In both I didn't really had a choice. But when I came to work with you guys, it's like I was finally alive, I was finally Emily Prentiss."

He simply nodded, "Let's go grab something to drink".

With that he rose from his seat and went for the elevator, Emily calmly following him. They walked in an uncomfortable silence to a near café. He finally started speaking when they had their hot drinks.

"I know you were yourself with us, I get that. What I don't get is why you were so ashamed of your past that you wouldn't tell us. You should have trusted us. We get that you needed to protect Declan and everybody, but you didn't had to do it alone. And then you died. And we all felt guilty for months. We all felt responsible, because we should have pushed for you to open up when it was obvious that something was going on. We should have found you sooner. I felt, no I still feel betrayed by the woman I trusted the most. My partner." he was fidgeting with his napkin, nervous. "To be honest, you were kind of right to be ashamed. I realise now that, had you been given the choice you wouldn't have done that kind of mission. But when we learned the truth, yeah I judged you and I thought what you did with Doyle was disgusting and I was so angry at myself for not seeing the kind of person you were. Then, with all the things we discovered on Doyle while looking for you it was clear that your job at the time was essential and for the greater good. I still don't like it. Actually I hate that you had to do that. And I hate that I can't trust you anymore. The secrets about your Interpol past with Doyle, with the JTF-12, about your fake death, this is all too much. I can't help but wonder how many skeletons are left in your freaking huge and dark closet. And you could swear that there is nothing else, right now I wouldn't be able to believe you, I'm sorry." And he was, she knew it, but it was still painful.

Another violent slap in her face. The people who used to be her friends, her family, now couldn't trust her. They didn't feel like they knew her anymore. How awful was that? She was starting to hate herself too and couldn't even find the courage to say something. But he was done talking and waiting for an answer. She took a deep breath, the tenth of the day, and tried to make her actions clearer

.

"At first I wanted to tell you. I needed your help and I knew it. And then Clyde said something that remind me that this wasn't your fight, that we had to do something about it but you weren't responsible for our past missions. And when I met with Doyle the first time, he told me precisely what each of you were doing, whith whom and where and it made my decision even easier. When he killed Fahey and only him it was because I convinced him that you had nothing on him. That's what made me go on. Keeping you safe was my only goal. And I don't regret any of it. I know you are all hurt, I know you don't understand but I also know it was the only way. And I feel the same about my fake death. We can't change the past. I just hope with time we can all move on? I have faith in a better future, and I have faith in you guys. You're still my family."

A single tear rolled on her pale-cheek. She had cried more in a few days with them than in her whole life. Feeling he needed some alone time, she headed back to the office. Four down, two to go.

* * *

Reid wasn't back from wherever he was and Emily really wanted to talk to him before Rossi. She went to Hotch's office again and asked him if he knew where the young genius was.

"He asked me to go home early today, said he had some important things to do," the Unit Chief answered sounding doubtful about these 'important things'. "Are you ok? You look even worse than coming in this morning" She was worrying him. She really looked emotionally drained and that's exactly how she felt. That's why she chose not to ask J.J about Reid. She knew her friend would have asked her about her meetings with the others and right now she just couldn't talk about it.

"Nice way to speak to a girl Hotch!" she scolded. "I'm fine. Just a bit tired. It has been a couple of long days that's all. Don't worry. Since I'm still officially dead for a few days and consequently not working I'm going to head out now. I'll have to talk to Reid when he is ready and then to Rossi. I can't come back to work before that and I don't know how long it's going to take. Is that ok ?"

"Of course. I understand the situation is complicated. Take all the time you need. Maybe you should spend some time with your family ?" He was genuinely feeling bad for her. She had been through enough and deserved some peace. He definitely knew that time spent with Ambassador Prentiss wouldn't do any miracles but it would change her mind at least.

"Thanks Hotch. And yeah, maybe I'll do that. I'll call you." She started to leave and stopped at the door, turning to face him once again. "I'm not running. Just please assure them of that." And she was gone. He would tell them exactly that because he knew it was the truth.

In the elevator she decided to simply text her young friend. "Hey Spence. I know you need some space to think about what happened and I understand it. I just want you to know that I'm here for you. When you are ready to talk you know where to reach me. E."

She pressed "send". That would do it. She was really looking forward to a hot bath and some strong sleeping pills. Without them she would never sleep tonight. Her exhausted body was aching for some peaceful rest. Even if it was drug-related one.

Taking her rental car out of the parking lot, she headed for her hotel not too far from Quantico. Tomorrow would be another long and complicated day. She couldn't wait for all this to be over. Things would be easier as soon as she would know how they all felt even if those feelings were beyond negative towards her. She could deal with them hating her. She couldn't have dealt with them dead. That was her new motto.

**Chapter three won't be long !**


	3. Chapter 3

So sorry for the delay !

I've written more to this story but being in University and all it's going a bit slower than I expected. So rather than to have you wait I've decided to wait until this is completely done to continue posting it... Sorry again =)


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